.dd.

I had the most unforgettable week of my life so far. And I'm almost positive that nothing will come as close.

I had at my place after their concert.





Clockwise from top: Sophie (friend), Me and Stan (bass player). Mike and Me (leadsinger - superstylin etc). Me and Girl Leadsinger (I See You Baby, Easy, My Friend etc). My Aftershow VIP Pass.



I cant even being to describe who awesome this was!

We went to the concert on Tuesday and it was absolutely terrific. Then after the concert we went to Press Club to chill out for abit. Sitting there beside me was Groove Armada having a few after show drinks. It was crazy. So all of us decided to hang with the guys. It was very relaxed and fun.

After I invited the guys back to my place to hang out some more. They actually accepted! So there we all were, sitting in my lounge room, all chatting and just chilling out. It was absolutely crazy yet it didnt feel strange or different. And they stayed for hours.

When they left, I walked them to the door and thats when they told me they would put my name at the door for Wednesday nights concert. And thats exactly what they did!

So we went again and it was better. After the show, a select few were able to go back stage and hang. It again was incredible.

I'm still in shock that this all happened to me. But I can honestly say that after this week, I gained a few more friends. And I hope the guys from Groove Armada realise what an impact they have had on my life by just being cool.

.j.

.dd.

They had the meeting for hiring supervisors this week.

I didnt get it again.

I've been trained in the position. I've even had the position but my manager keeps pushing me back down. Shes scared of me. She's the sort of person that has to be number one. She bases all her descisions on popularity. She has all her favourites (all males) and it seems they are the only ones that are allowed to succeed.

I'm very popular at work and she hates that. Thats the reason she wont let me succeed.

I've stayed there for so long now because I continue to fight. I dont want them to get the better of me. But I can see that I'll never get anywhere till either I leave or Meredith leaves. And I dont think Meredith will leave.

I'm tired now. GPO is going thru a huge change right now and I dont think it will be for the better. There going to be putting in a hair salon in one of the bars for god sake. To me that says something.

I'm resigning on Wednesday night. I've had enough. I love it there but if I'm not going to get anywhere then I've had enough.

.j.

.dd.

Just sitting here minding my own business when an thought cames to my mind.

'what is it? there's something important happening today'

*tap tap of my fingernails against the computer desk*

Ohhhhhh...
The Election.
Wow.

.j.

.dd.

I am offically the most horrible person in the entire world.

The guy I went on a date with on Thursday from Lavalife wants to get to know me and hang out some more. But I just didnt feel any chemistry between us. No sparks and when I'm not interested I tend to talk about myself quite abit. I did alot of that all night.

What makes me horrible though is that I didnt do anything @ all to discourage him. I liked the attention I was recieving. I knew I wasnt going to persue this any further. I tried to picture him in a romantic kind of way but it was impossible.

Now I havent got the courage to email him and tell him that I'm not interested. But it isnt all about him either. I realised that I wasnt ready for a relationship in a big way. A very big way.

I know the right thing to do would be to email him right now and tell him the truth.

I'm scared, thats all.

*PUBLIC FLOGGING THIS WAY -------->*

.j.

.dd.

Some absolutely strange things have been happening to me. And I'm not happy about any of them. Here I am sitting in my armchair in front of the computer. Do you want to know where my comfort zone is? Its on the moon. Yes, thats far far away.

( Me Scary Lavalife Problems )

.dd.

Its been an expensive week.

I've had my haircut which cost me many a dollar ($200), I've been to see two movies plus I still want to buy a mobile phone.

I went and saw The Bourne Supremacy and The Terminal.



Both were great and I'm very much looking forward to seeing the third Bourne movie. Definitely abit of a cliff hanger of this second one.

Been hanging with me sis too. She and her roomies came into GPO on Wednesday night to see Wesley from BigBrother struting his stuff on the catwalk.

Seriously was a major anticlimax....Wesley, not my sis.

All I have to say about seeing me sis is that there is always time for guessing the clinker flavour (and smelly bottom noises)..even in the middle of a movie.

Anyway, still not really fond of my roommate. He definitely lost my friendship last week. I actually still cant stand to be around him. He's sitting in the room with me right now and I actually wish he would go to bed or something.

I keep suggesting he go away and yet he stays.....

How can I get him out of my house?

.j.

.dd.

I told a lie today. Kind of a big one.

I told it to get out of something to go with my sister to the movies.

I shouldnt have told the lie and I very much regret doing so but I did enjoy the movie. I saw The Terminal which was good for lite entertainment.

In the end I wish I hadnt of lied because now I'm @ home again when I actually really dont want to be. I'm not liking it very much here and I'm actually thinking of breaking the lease to move out.

I dont feel like I have any real friends in this house any more. And anyway, I'm better by myself. I hate rules and I hate having to wait for people when I want to do something.

I'm also thinking of quitting GPO. I've out grown it by a long shot.

I want a big girl job.

.j.

.dd.

Alright, maybe i should of taken the whole internet dating thing abit more serious. Many people do use it as a potential forum for meeting people. But i suppose i've seen it as abit of a joke.

I went and had alook @ the latest people to send me messengers. Many new ones but a few from the same people. One in particular.

He's quite abit older than me..almost my dads age. He thinks himself abit special. And he just happens to be online @ the same time as I. So he sends me an instant message asking me if i see anything i liked about his profile. Me being too embarrassed, logs off.

I'm just a little shocked. Never did i think this was an actually serious arena. And if you have ever read Thats Life magazine, you would agree too.

I might remove my profile.

I've got to decided whether I think my fun and curiosity is more important than these peoples...i dont know what to call it because basically most of the people in this internet dating arena would have originally put forward a profile for the same reasons I have....fun and curiosity.

Oh well.

I do feel pretty, though.

.j.

.dd.

Okay, i know it would seem like a terrible thing to most people but you need to understand that it absolutely wasnt meant that way.

I was just an itsy teeny bit curious.

I listed a profile of myself on LavaLife.com.au

With this photo....



Not for fun! just to see what would happen....

And you know what happened????

I recieved quite abit of interest..not from people in Brisbane but all over Australia and the world.

Its actually made me a little more open minded about the whole thing.

Its interesting how a little bit of attention can change your prospective on things your normal EXTREMELY cynical about.

I might just hang around that lavalife place a while longer, hey?.....

.j.

a small note...most people commented on my eyes!! they loved they way the look..the colour. hehehe i actually stuffed them up trying to remove the red eye manually so they look very strange to people who know me. hehehe

.dd.

so it was the Blink 182 concert tonight.



so guess where the after party started out??

thats right - GPO Hotel.

We had a section ropped off for the guys while we awaited their arrival. All tense wondering what was in store for us considering we were about to deal with a bunch of rich rock kids and their groupies.

The guys walk in and the first thing they do is remove the ropped off area thus allowing themselves and everyone else to mingle as one group!!

Then they just start playing pool - with everyone else.

Random.

Yet randomly cool.

.j.

.dd.

okay, i cant sleep because my roommates have come home from an obviously good night out and wont stop talking. so instead of fighting them, i'm just going to chill out here till i either fall asleep or i go and see my sister in the city.

which ever comes first.

i know my last post was a little hardcore but seriously, i do think that it would be easier that way. everyone goes thru little 'periods' like that so i can be forgiven.

with that said, here is a pic of me and my friends. yes, the ones i said i would rather not have to make my life a little bit easier.



.j.

.dd.

do you ever have days where you wished you had nobody in your life and that it was just you? Nobody to rely on and nobody to rely on you. No family and no friends. Not even a dog. Just so you would not have to deal with the bearden of having feelings and emotions.

its not that you dont love your family and friends, its just that you cant deal with the thought of not having them. And that idea alone hurts more than anything in the entire world.

i just dont know what to do anymore.

for the first time, i just cant seem to find the answers.

.j.

.dd.

I sometimes wonder why people will change their opinons, morales and values just to change someone elses life, in hope that that person will gain from it and in turn, live happily. Whilst, the person helping puts their own life on hold thinking that once all is right that they too can start living again and all will be well.

I hate the way people tip toe around each other so not to hurt feelings, to keep the peace because not doing so may cause harm to them or others.

I dont understand why you would want these people in your life.

I dont understand why you would want to have people who wont let you be yourself and let you live the life you want.

I dont understand why you would put up with it even though 'it'll be only for a little while longer, just till i can get away, then i can be me'.

Finally, I dont understand why you would have someone in your life who not only mentally hurt you but also physically hurt you.

I do understand that life is not as simple as it sounds here that hundreds of variables make up the constant.

I also understand that you dont have to pick up the phone, you dont have to answer the door and you dont have to let that person back in. You dont have to change your life to suit because you believe in giving each person other go.

It doesnt mean that I have too as well.

And it doesnt mean I have too stop caring just because your ok now.

.j.

.dd.

Its been a long time but I'm back again + hopefully to stay hanging around for while. Heaps to write, not alot to say. I'll get back to it when I've got more time.

.j.

.dd.

I'm really so happy right now. Everything is falling into place. I've been able to sleep properly again. Even G not calling me in awhile isnt really bothering me too much.

Barbie is going in about two weeks now and I'm really looking forward to it. But I cant help but feel sorry for her right now. She's coming down hard after using that meth. She's very depressed right now and has stopped talking to me. I dont blame her. I was the one to make her homeless. On the same token, I'm not worried about what happens to her after she leaves. I just dont have time for people like her.

I'm just feeling less alone. I feel like I have the right kind of people around me right now.

Went into work tonight and was allowed to DJ again. I cant tell you how much I love it. I've set a goal to get my decks by my B'Day next month. Then I've set my next goal to actually have a gig by July. If not, I'm going back to Uni to get my genetics degree. I was very good tonight. I've almost got the mixing down. Its just the fiddley bits. Its the same as when I started bartending. I could only pour a drink. Now, multitasking isnt a problem. The only thing is I dont want to be taught too much. I want to achieve a technique of my own.

I'm loving it.

.j.

.dd.

I did it this morn.

I woke up @ about 12pm. Was woken up I should say. And Barbie is still high. I'm thinking that maybe I shouldnt say anything while she's in this state.

I did. I told her that she has three weeks to find a new place to live. I decided to take a very tiptoed approach. Instead of saying, I'm kicking you out, I layed it on her gently. And it worked. She obviously said no but I calmly told her that she has no legal foot to stand on as no lease was signed.

I then went and saw the apartment manager and we discussed it for awhile. I told her exactly why (drugs + stealing) we wanted her out. The manager agreed. While I was speaking to her, Barbie actually called our manager. She was so cool on the phone considering she knew about meth being in my house. She told Barbie that if we wanted her out there would be nothing she could do.

Barbie then called me. She couldnt be alone due to the drugs. So I went home and she wanted to discuss it. I listened to her but in the end I said she had three weeks. And then she left. And I havent seen her since.

I feel more happy and comfortable about living here then I ever have. T is going to move in with us and its going to be alot of fun - quiet fun. I'm feeling very accomplished as I havent backed down and I'm sticking to my decision. Barbie is very manipulative and some moments I felt myself wavering. But I've held on. I'm just having problems with guilt. My brain keeps saying 'you've just made a person homeless. You've just taken the roof away from someone'. But then I think 'she stole your money. she was doing extreme drugs in your house'. @ the moment, my other roomy (her bestfriend) is on my side but three weeks is a very long time and people do talk. All I can say is it takes three to tango in this case. They can dance all they like but without me it isnt a congo line - cool analogy. The manager also said that if I was to move out, all would have to move. So its Barbie leaves and AG and I keep the place. Or I move out and Barbie and AG lose the place. Its all going to go smoothly. I'm going to make sure of it.

Things are definitely looking up @ this particular moment.

Now, what can I do about fixing the situation with my boy????

.j.

p.s. @ My Club was an awesome hiphop group that travels internationally. It was incredible. Scatchin, beatboxing...the whole bit. Rad.

.dd.

 Boy, did it go down this morn @ my place?!!

Basically, one roomy was so drunk it resembled an OD and the other was high on meth and had been for the last three days.

I think I was the only sober person in my house this morn. This included probably the biggest dealer of meth.

The roomy who stole my stuff was the one on meth. She'd been going for three days straight. I hadnt really seen her these last couple of days so I wasnt aware of the extent of it. Turns out she asked the meth dealer. He made her give over her bankcards and mobile till she got the money out @ 5am where he was going to wait for her after work. She didnt have the money and was forced to 'make tips' @ work. So @ about 5am this morn, a whole bunch of chopped people came to my house for a recovery.

 When they got here, they found my other roomy passed out on the floor. I'd gone to bed because I knew she was very very drunk and had just had a massive fight with her BF.

 They all freaked out.... An ambulance was called. They were carrying her outside. That was when I woke up and stopped all the crap that was going on. I got rid of everyone. Thats when I noticed barbie was chopped as all hell and she was having some massive moodswings.

I got drunk roomy to bed. And I then went off @ barbie. Thats when I got a phone call. It was one of people that were here earlier. Turns out when I put drunk to bed, barbie had called to get more meth. I went absolutely crazy. She wanted more meth when her bestfriend is obviously not well etc. Barbie just yelled back saying she didnt call and that she already had some meth and didnt need more.

 A BAG OF F*CKIN METH WAS THEN BROUGHT OUT FROM HER ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's out. I've kicked her out of my house. I've given her three weeks to leave because I've had enough. I realised this morn that she isnt even on the lease. So I'm going to use every legal power that I can to get her out. The other roomy isnt going to be happy but I dont care anymore. I wont have this crap going on in my house.

The funny thing was - and I'm not THAT insensitive - I couldnt stop thinking that I dont have to deal with this shit. This isnt mine to care about. And if I had of just stayed in my other house, I wouldnt of had to. None of last night was my problem.

.j.

.dd.

Redbulls!

Whoever decided that all these legal chemical stimulates would go nicely in a can and avaliable inside a meter of every step you take in the outside world should get the award for being just plain AWESOME!!!!

I had two redbulls @ work last night and I can tell you...I was wired for sound.

Never have I had a more enjoyable time @ work. Everyone had an enjoyble time.

Firstly we were short staffed but instead of getting mad, we made it into an unforgetable night.

I'm hoping the recreate that feeling again tonight.
Another couple of redbulls, thanks.

.j.

p.s I cant tell you how nice I'm being to my roommate. I'm positive she stole my stuff but I've decided to bring her on side rather than fight against her. I'm going to see how my manipulation goes.

.dd.

I love aussie hiphop.

.j.

.dd.

I am positive my roommate stole my stuff last night.
I'm 100% sure.
Three random items all went missing in the space of an hour.
My Puma bag, my wallet and my house keys.
And all items were separate to each other.

And there was only me and one other roommate in the house.

She had one of the swedish boys over @ one stage but I know I had all items @ that stage - I went and brought icecream a short time after he left.
Also, I know I had items when I returned as you cant get into the house without keys. And I had my wallet because I was going thru it when I was in the lift.

She has been blamed for other stuff going missing before so I'm not sorry to blame her this time.
I know she has no money @ the moment so there's reason number one. I know that the swedish boys have 5 people in their apartment and only three keys and would love another master door key so thats reason number two. And finally she's been eyeing off my Puma bag for a very long time. Reason number three.

I spent 7 hours last night looking. First pulling everything out, then carefully tidying up and replacing things. I live in an apartment - there arent many places where things can go.

Also, I'm so anal about my keys, wallet and every possession I have. This was the first time I didnt take my money upstairs with me.

I'm going to move in a month.
Although, now I'm thinking of staying and making her life hell.
She accused me of telling people @ work that she stole my stuff - I didnt have to put that seed in their minds because things have gone missing when she's there.

.j.